Introduction

My tail is between my legs. I’ve made the conscious decision to keep it there. I take sole responsibility for having moved into my parent’s condo in the 33rd year of my life. As one might imagine, I have been more confident about myself in years past. In previous phases of my life I had been a leading sales person for a software company with two homes and a great travel schedule. I lived in Colorado and was experiencing what I thought my dream would be: working for a software company and snowboarding every weekend while traveling like a gypsy. Life was good, but there was something else I sought after. And today I believe the recipe for ‘something’ to consist of 1 part pain, 1 part discomfort, 2 parts humiliation and a smidgen of what-the-fuck-is-my-problem-? So I quit my job. And embarked on an adventure of starting my own business.

It is four years later. Two failed ventures under my belt and I’m on number three, the most grandiose of them all. I have one less house, travel (for fun) infrequently, have shoddy credit and haven’t bought new clothes in far too long. And a very important plot point must be mentioned… I moved back to Philadelphia, where I grew up. As I have rapidly burnt through funds over the last few years I am now in survival mode. I’ve cut costs in many facets of my life, including renting out my condo in downtown Philadelphia.

And have moved into my parents’ condo in their 50+ community.

Through me, I would like for you to experience what I experience: the Uno games, the pre-teen flashbacks, each blown opportunity at getting laid, every home-owner’s association meeting, the gossip about the early bird special scandal (I know what makes it special) and each lub-dub of every pace-maker driven heart in the facility. It’s all here, it’s all on the table. All nude. Totally wild. Texas Style.

This is embarrassing stuff so please do not forward this to your friends… or my parents... or any resident of Pelican Place.

Welcome to the world of Pelican Place, a 50+ community, and my new home.